Weekly Zephyr #8: July 20th, 2017

An Illustration by Clara Tice, but I don't know what it's called, but you can go here: Meet Clara Tice, The Erotic Illustrator Who Scandalized 20th Century New York

What I like about Clara Tice, besides a lot, is that she was born in 1888. I know that sex isn't new but there's something about a woman born in 1888 who made sexy drawings that sends me happy rebellious feelings down the centuries.  What I also like is that her drawings have a childlike edge

childlike edge? Yeah, childlike edge, yeah, actually fuck yeah childlike edge. Children are edgy as hell without even trying, particularly either when they're not or before they become given to doubt.

that reminds me of the drawings I made when I was a little girl and obsessed with drawing women. My drawings were not as naughty as her drawings but if I knew more or could have braved more, they would have been. I would have wanted my drawings to really try some things out. I pushed it a little bit but then I figured somebody or something would either see the drawings or be invisible in the air and see me drawing the drawings in real time and then it would be known that I was that way, somebody interested in all of that.   But I'm not here to talk about sex exactly so much as I'm here to try to remember being a girl who wanted to be a woman, which brings me to   

DOLLS.

Um, Tina, let's review Fairies and then crying and now dolls

Yes, look, I'm sorry but yes. I made a promise to myself that I would talk about what I really actually feel like talking about each week no matter what, and this week I'm thinking about dolls and I'll tell you how that happened.  Somebody on Facebook linked to something about Curvy Barbie. I forget why. And I was all, what, there's a Curvy Barbie? And I went to the Barbie neighborhood on the Mattel website and went down a Barbie rabbit hole Not so much your regular fashion Barbies but your special Collector Barbies 

and now it's time to admit

   THAT I WANT THEM. I DO, GODDAMN IT. I'll show you who I want in particular—IN CASE I'M FIVE AND YOU'RE MY MOM— but I do, I want them.

PROBLEM

How would I even play with them now, though? The same way I used to? I can't even claw my way to one fully fleshed-out memory of how I ever did it. Also, to play with dolls right, it's pretty physical. You have to get up and down a lot and move them all over everywhere to give them a story. I could give them troubles in my garden, I guess. I could make them walk through bowls of water like I used to, in their old-fashioned dresses, for hardships, like crossing a difficult river.  They just stand there so stoic, though. You really have to work for expressiveness. Stoic and noble, or vacant and drugged, or fast asleep, or they shake around in jumping-up-and-down full body rage. You can maybe angle the head.  Would I make them talk? What the hell would they talk about? It was so easy to make them talk when I was a child. I had endless things for them to say. Murmur murmur murmur doll talk all day. If I had a million spare dollars, I'd pay it to hear what I had them say for even just five minutes of the past. I would like to know what I was working on.

I can't promise that I won't collect them someday. I really can't. If I get a load of spare money, it's probably on. I've always felt I had to play along when people were like, "Oh, god, [Demi Moore, for example] collects dolls, how creepy" and I've been all "Oh, god, yeah, I know"

and she may collect weird baby dolls which I'm not about AT ALL, AT ALL, but if she collects Barbies or at least dolls with semi-adult proportions, then I would like to go over to [Demi Moore's] house.

For anyone who's feeling like he's being emasculated by all this doll talk: Here is a picture of beef jerky to tide you over. May it keep your testosterone flowing enough to carry you to the end of the newsletter, where the unsubscribe button is, should things have become that drastic.

  BACK TO DOLLS

1. Wonder Woman, obviously. 2. MISTY COPELAND IS A BARBIE 3. Antiope/Claire Underwood 4. THE MOTHERFLAPPING GREEN LOVE INTEREST FROM STAR TREK 5. I don't know who this is but my plan is for her to function as some sort of spiritual advisor to the others 6. UHURA, FOR GOD'S SAKE, WILL BE GREAT IN SO MANY SITUATIONS 7. This cat burglar will liven things up somehow 8. She's only here so everybody else can wear her dress. (SCAPEGOAT?)

  Well, listen. If dolls aren't your thing, you've been very patient. Or not. I can't see you. So you don't leave here empty-handed, here:

Have some fun running your name through the Internet Anagram Server

With love,

Rainy Owlet Rainy Towel Wry Elation Watery Lion Wearily Not